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[IF ONLY JAMES KNEW........]

You know what I meant, James.

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I really don't, but I'm flattered that you think so!

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...You know what, forget it. Let's just keep moving.

[Just gonna try to walk right past James. Knowing full well how much he hates being ignored.]

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[ James lets out the most offended and disbelieving whine of his LIFE. ]

Are you serious? That's it? Not even an attempt?

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Nope, I don't want to play this game.

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[ Yeah he's just gonna stand here for a second. Staring. ]

Why do you always do this?

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Why do you always do this?

[Wow this sure is productive.]

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[ This is two mature adults being mature on the outskirts of the neighborhood after dark. Hopefully no one will call in a domestic disturbance. ]

I don't even know what I'm doing! [ He is trotting after Piper, though, ugh. ] You're acting all condescending and superior like I'm a total waste of your time and energy, and fine, maybe I am, maybe you have important rats to talk to or something, I dunno, but I'm not the one who called you!

[countdone]

I...[Hmmm. This sucks in so many ways. He sighs.] This wasn't a good night for this.

And not because I have important rats to talk to.

[He always does, but.]

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[ This is getting depressing, and he hates being depressed more than almost anything. He'd rather be pissed off, but he can't maintain the level of energy that takes right now when he just feels like he's being the jerk here. Somehow. ]

Piper. Hey. ... Look at me for a second.

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[Piper's also really tired of this and that probably shows on his face.]

What?

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[ Look at him, he's going to be the bigger person. Or at least a big-ish person. Whatever.

He very carefully slides Piper's glasses back onto his face, and pushes them up his nose with his index finger. ]

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[Oh wow. DEEP BREATH.

Just getting a Gay Feeling here, no big deal.]

Oh. Uh...thanks.

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[ Yeah, well, likewise, so suck it up. ]

I'm sorry for distracting you from your important rats.

[countdone]

[Giving his shoulder a shove.]

You know it's not like that.

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What, got a hot date or somethin'?

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This is the closest thing to a hot date in my life right now, James.

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[ That honest to god gets a double take out of him. His eyes go wide and he balks for a second, but then— ]

—ha! Oh, man, that's sad.

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[Yeah, he definitely saw that.]

Ha, yeah, isn't it? And it's been that way for awhile, too.

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Yeah, because you have negative game.

[ SHOULDER. PAT. ]

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Ouch. Come on now, to be fair there was a pretty long stretch of time where I wasn't really trying.

[Is that implying that he's trying now? Well...]

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So what's your excuse now?

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[He shrugs.]

Don't know. But come on, you have to admit that back in the day Fury was attractive.

[PERFECT TIME TO BRING UP YOUR EVIL EX-BOYFRIEND.]

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[ GODDAMMIT. ]

I don't have to admit anything! That guy was a dick!

[countdone]

[Wrinkling his nose a little.]

Yeah, not gonna deny that part. But that has nothing to do with what he looked like.