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IC CONTACT
( text | call | email | voicemail | action | carrier pigeon | brick through window )
( text | call | email | voicemail | action | carrier pigeon | brick through window )
( text | call | email | voicemail | action | carrier pigeon | brick through window )
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Well, gee, Flash, I'm sorry to hear that you apparently come from the universe where everyone's a dick, but I don't really see how that's my fault. Congrats on the dad thing, though. Sounds heartwarming. You're welcome.
[ Smooth like butter. ]
Look, I'm gonna be honest: you're talking crazy here. I haven't been to prison in years — did you know I was with the FBI? That's as squeaky clean as it gets. [ until everything went right to hell BUT ANYWAY ] And even if I was back in the slammer, the Walker brat's the last person who'd wanna break me out. Last we talked, the little thief was trying to choke me to death with my own Slinky. Despite appearances, he's not a member of the fan club.
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[ He's not even touching you said congrats about his dad. You have lost the ability to say those sorts of things. ]
What did you even do for them? Beyond some very messed up deal turning people like you in which— makes me a little concerned for the FBI. [ Hold up. ] If he ever comes here, you're telling him that. Not me. The slinky part and the not part of your fan club. Rogues still haven't quite formed yet.
James, I did ask you where you were, you know. Don't think I forgot about that question that you didn't answer.
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[ It's not like his location is a huge secret. Bart knows. Wally knows. Which he's regretting now, pacing his small apartment and gathering up a set of In Case Of Emergency toys. This should be exciting. Nostalgic. Instead, it's nerve wracking.
In trouble for a crime he didn't commit. Deja vu all over again. Maybe he can make it to Mexico without dying this time. ]
Went legit, like I said. Agent Jesse. Had my own office, a tie, the whole shebang. Did security at first. Then some other stuff. Would you believe I was a professional turncoat? Me 'n' a few of the others tried to take in the rest of the Rogues. Didn't go like we planned, but gold stars for effort all around, I think.
[ Talking helps. Talking calms him down. Talking keeps the Flash asking questions, and questions mean he still has time to give the right answers. So he hopes.
Maybe he should go out the window. Maybe he should stay here. Maybe he should just take what's coming to him. Maybe he's cosmically earned it. ]
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[ Friends. Ha. Ha. Ha. If anything like what keeps happening with Snart, Barry is going to either go bald by pulling out his own hair or he'll just die from the stress of dealing with this band of Rogues that he so did not ask for. They're all grown man and all older than him and they act like kids when not watched. ]
Please tell me it was nothing like those sunglasses. The image of you like that is almost as horrifying as me seeing the you I know in a unitard. [ Yeah, enjoy knowing that. ] What other stuff did you do?
Also stop talking about the Rogues. I made a joke to Snart about rogue galleries and then he betrayed me to start making one that you're not even a part of yet. Probably because my you is a little nuts. So forgive me if even thinking of you doing security in a way that didn't involve making sure no prisons could hold you is a little beyond my imagination.
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[ Skipping right over the unitard comment. We'll play fashion police another day. ]
So you called because you're mad at other-me, is that it? Got a bone to pick? Need to blow off some steam? Or did you actually want answers?
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[ Excuse you, he wants to play fashion police because that unitard was embarrassing and is burned into his brain. ]
I— I'm mad at other-you, slightly aggravated at you, and maybe I need to blow off a little steam because seeing other you signaled a time that was kind of horrible afterward. And answers— I can't pretend I'm not a little curious and would like an answer or several.
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[ Maybe he can talk his way out of a punch in the face after all. ]
Here's the thing, Flash. Despite appearances, I'm a reasonable man, and I suspect you are, too. You've got questions? I'm probably one of the only people here with the answers you want. So you tell me how you'd like this to go down.
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[ "Maybe", you hope, man. You hold onto that hope. ]
Despite appearances. You mean the fashion disasters you wear normally? That even me with my not necessarily good sense of fashion can critique. [ A pause. ] You and me, in person.
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[ That's not a lie. ]
And the stripes are slimming.
[ That might be a lie. ]
You pick the place, and I'll be a decent enough guy to show up. Show of good faith, and all that. Don't make me regret it — it's much more fun to be on my good side.
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[ Nah. ]
That's not an excuse any more than plaid makes me look older is for me. Also pretty sure you're not supposed to tell someone that in general.
[ In hindsight, he's going to call you a lying liar who lies. NO STRIPES COULD SLIM THAT ISSUE DOWN. ]
Heropa 13. I won't lock you in where I live and I don't want to do this in public.
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You're on time. [ A pause and Barry just ends up sort of curling his fist a little at his side. He can resist the urge to punch him for this second or two. Just get him in and the door shut before he punches him. ] Come on in. And don't use this against me later.
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[ But he holds his hands up in the old familiar "I surrender" gesture as he heads in. ]
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[ And the inner voice Barry has that sounds suspiciously like Oliver is going "that doesn't mean I won't punch you in other places". ]
But not helping your case with me when you threaten using my home address against me if I punch you in the nose.
[ Of course, that doesn't stop Barry from shutting the door behind him. ]
Deadly pranks or no?
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Pranks, yes, deadly, no. I'm not a killer.
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He may be a sucker for those but it'll take more than that in this situation. ]
Do they hurt people? Is that some goal you have in mind? [ A pause. ] And do you like Twizzlers?
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[ But that's evasive and he knows it. He blows out a sigh through his nose and leans back against the nearest wall, arms crossed. ]
Look, my life story's not some big secret — it was in all the interesting newspapers. I grew up in the circus, got bored of the highwire act, blah blah blah, daddy issues, needed bigger thrills, turned to crime because robbing planes mid-flight got huge attention. It's not, admittedly, the best plan anyone's ever had, but I was like eighteen. No one's ever been too smart at that age.
[ He shrugs. He doesn't exactly regret it. He knows a better person probably would, but a better person probably wouldn't have done it in the first place. ]
I stole a lot of money, and a lot of other things, too. Sometimes I gave it back before I ever got caught, because it was funnier that way. It was like a game, you know? I wanted to see if I could do all this crazy, amazing stuff no one had ever tried before. And I wanted everyone to know I did it. That was the thrill. Not the money, not the power trip, not striking fear into the hearts of the people or whatever insanely creepy thing some of these guys get off on. Any jerk with a knife can hurt people. I made my name without any of that.
[ And, almost as an afterthought: ]
... I dunno, Twizzlers are okay. Not the most exciting candy, as candy goes, but I wouldn't turn 'em down. Why?
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[ His tone goes up a little bit and it nearly edges on something akin to being shrill, but he reins it in just barely and listens.
He listens and he finds that as much as his brain wants to tell him that this is the same James Jesse from his home, they're not. He can't be entirely sure because he honestly didn't read James' files and even if he had— it's debatable that it would have been this in depth.
This James— This Trickster was in it more for the game. The game of attention and thrill. Did of all of his Rogues just enjoy games when it came to being criminals? Is that why they let themselves be called the Rogues because they were different than most criminals— villains you'd find?
Right now, he kind of deeply regrets ever calling anyone Snart was involved with a merry band of rogues, he inadvertently influenced his own stupid future. ]
You could have hurt people with those things. Robbing planes if you can't always fly them correctly or even if you can't doesn't always end well. [ A pause and Barry's hand just clenches a little. ]
Because other you sniffed them like some people might sniff a cigar and I was honestly a little creeped out at how he reacted. God why couldn't you maybe just at least have that in common. That would be great.
[ He won't punch him. He can resist the urge to punch James in the face. It's not hard, just focus on the fact that the Flash wouldn't do that. ]
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[ He frowns, and sticks his tongue out in a clear eew, gross expression, because: eew, gross. ]
Even calling him other me makes me feel weird. Like I'm responsible for all that or something. Is that how you felt, with the whole alternate universes thing? I mean, minus the creepy.
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[ How you know Barry Allen dislikes someone intensely, he can't muster up a nice thing to say about them. Barry's mouth twitches into a frown and while he really was trying to prevent himself from punching him, yeah no, sorry James, there's your punch to the eye because you do not get to ask that question.
Predictably that's when the toy appear and Barry's taken enough off guard by that to not punch James again. ]
Yeah. You don't deserve that answer, but yes, it did kind of feel like that. Except instead of creepy I felt bad you guys were expecting older, wiser me. And now I'm just the baby gets to meet all of you in horrifying ways.
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Ooooooooowwwwwwwww! Jeez, you really don't look like you could punch that hard!
[ Or maybe Trickster is just a tremendous wuss. Or both. ]
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[ It would normally sound like a snappy comeback but it comes out out of his mouth slowly while he just watches the bouncy ball start bouncing into the kitchen for maximum effect. ]
Did you have toys in your hair?!? Or suit or what's with the toys?
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[ He's just gonna keep whining for a minute. It takes the edge off. ]
Jealous?
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[ Oh my god, James, just stop it's not even that bad. ]
Jealous that you produce toys when someone punches you. Oh, yeah, super jealous that I've got superspeed and you spontaneously produce toys. Do you listen to what you say?
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