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Comments

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[And James would think him even more a traitor if he knew what else Cisco called for.]

Shockingly enough, most people don't like it when you spend days on their couch uninvited.

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Counterpoint: I'm delightful and everyone loves me. Or so I thought. I can't believe I shared zebra cakes with him!

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Weren't they his to begin with? He complained about that.

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. . . That's a technicality.

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Look, I'll buy you more zebra cakes if you go home.

[He's not above bribery, especially if it can stop this from being Long and Awkward.

(But he knows it probably can't.)]

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Are you bribing me? Because you're going to have to do better than that.

[ Now he's just being stubborn. ]

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Why are you hanging around here, anyway?

[Hahahaha like he doesn't know the answer but he can't just bring it up, soooo....]

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What, he didn't tell you that?

[ Oh god, DID HE??? ]

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Just said you were moping.

[Time to test his lying skills.]

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[ Well, James can lie like a pro. ]

Well, yeah, okay, maybe I was. Maybe I'm having a midlife crisis. Been stuck in another universe for a year, can't go home on account of being dead as a very handsome doornail, just went through a literally painful kinda-breakup, maybe I'm kinda lonely... a guy's entitled to mope!

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And you didn't do it on my couch because...?

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For one, you live with Harley, and that's still all kinds of uncomfortable. And for two, do you actually want me to?

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[No because all things considered that would be awkward, but...]

Oh, like that matters to you.

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See, that's totally a no! So I figured I'd bug someone else for a change.

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Well, it's time for you to be done with that now.

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Yes, mom.

[ Because arguing is already making him grumpy. He drags himself off the couch, runsa hand through his hair, and stretches. Ow. He's been lying around all day. ]

... Y'know, I can't believe you actually showed up.

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Why not?

[Perhaps someone who didn't want to come over here shouldn't be asking that, but.]

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Beeeecaaaause I'm not your problem? I mean, I just didn't figure your response to "Trickster's bumming me out, come scrape him off our couch" would be "Yeah, sure, I'll get my coat."

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Sure seems like you're my problem most of the time.

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You know what reeeally sucks? [ James complains, as he grabs his own jacket and puts it on. Because he's totally giving in to Piper just kind of showing up out of the blue and telling him what to do without any kind of actual reward for his relatively good behavior here and goddammit that's so annoying. ]

I don't even know how to take comments like that. Like, is that a declaration of friendship? Are you telling me you wish I'd come and moped on your couch instead of this couch? Am I being vaguely insulted? All of the above? I mean, I'm pretty great at reading people, but you are a real goddamn mystery sometimes.

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[Most of the above.

(James moping on his couch would be awkward.)]

Yeah, that's me, sooooo mysterious.

[Okay time for some real emotional sincerity.]

You're a pain in the ass, James, but one I happen to care about--a lot.

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[ James just kind of... stares. For a minute. He looks like he might actually say something. He thinks he might actually say something! But then he just opens the door, holding it for Piper like a gentleman. ]

Look, if we're gonna have actual feelings, can we have them outside? Because I don't wanna do this in someone else's living room.

[ God please say you walked and he doesn't have to cling on the moped. ]

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I'm sure our friends would enjoy the show.

[Subtle acknowledgement of Love Doctor Cisco.]

But, yeah, we should probably get going.

[Piper heads out the door. Luckily for James, there is no moped waiting outside.]

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[ Thank god. They can walk. ]

So, seriously, you came over just because he asked? [ He's still skeptical. And confused. And cranky. ] ... Because you just care so darn much?

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He was pretty insistent about it.

[Piper that's not helping.]

But does it really seem that weird to you for me to be...I don't know, worried about you?